Monday, April 25, 2011

Bride Psychology: Less is More


There is a point in the wedding planning process, and in my opinion this an actual static moment in time where a woman is given the unique opportunity to tell the world exactly who she is.  I believe this to be true because psychology, basic life experience and the bible all tell us that character is forged,  and integrity tested when an individual finds themselves under pressure.   And according to every web search I have made, weddings (the act of planning the marriage day) is rated as one of the top 5 to 7 most stressful experiences in life!

That's right folks you read me right.  The wedding planning process is rated on par with: death, divorce, jail term, moving and job change?  This pressure filled, restrictive, self promoting, egotistical event is the ground zero hatching station for the creatures that our culture commonly refers to as Bridezillas. It is where they are fed, nurtured and then released back into the wild to rage amongst us normal folk.  Television shows document their tears, tantrums, meltdowns, and blatant disrespect towards all humanity with a relish that sets the tone for future brides allowing them to create role models of these serpentine creatures.  And the rest of us help to qualify this bad behavior by sitting at home entertained by this blatant lack of self control.  I cant help but think that if we were to take the self obsession that these brides have towards their wedding day and compare it to the single minded destructive obsession of a person struggling with over eating or over drinking how quickly the humor in the situation would fade. 

I have stood in front of the mirrors at the bridal salon next to another bride who publicly launched into a full tantrum .  I happened to be there getting my dress altered, while she was there searching for "the dress".  In the middle of her fourth try (who knows how many dresses she had tried on before my appearance on the gilded mirrored stage created to give the princess effect to new brides trying on gowns), she literally stamped her foot turned to her friend and the sales person, pointed at me and said " These aren't working, I want what SHE has."    As the half beaten sales girl rushed off to find my dress amongst the samples on the floor (which it wasn't because I had proudly purchased the last one in the store at less than half off) I struggled with whether I should be appalled or flattered.  When the dress could not be presented to the satisfaction of the bride she went on to have a 15 minute pity part which included teary eyes and arms that flapped at her sides as she lamented on how she was just going to have to settle for the dress she had on, because nothing else she had tried matched the venue's casual air or the tablecloths that her mother had picked out by hand.  The salesperson, well versed in the  mood swings of new bride creatures calmly launched into a well rehearsed speech I am sure she had delivered hundreds of times.  "  You cant buy this dress, I refuse to let you.  You cant settle. You have to love your dress!  This is your special day!"  Clearly this was an attempt to rally the bride into taking a step back from the emotional precipice she was so vicariously perched over. While witnessing all of this firsthand I couldn't help but think that all this circus needed was a monkey and a lion and we'd have ourselves a full service show.

I mean really?  Its one day!  Yes I cant deny its an important day but its still just one singular moment in time which is intended to (CAUTION ** Spoiler Alert!) celebrate the marriage... not you! Things do not have to be as complicated as brides make them.  All the crap that the wedding industry pushes is not necessary, in order to enjoy the marriage day.   And your not less of a woman or a poor host if you decide to cut back on some of these needlessly burdensome traditions that force you to get so caught up in detail you lose enjoyment in the simplest pleasures.  Such as choosing your dress.

So Ladies....  Man up!!  Stop feeling caught under pressure every time you hear:  "Are you sure you want to ......?".    " That's what your going to do?........"  or my personal favorite:  "You might want to think about ......." Because you have a unique chance, you are going to hit a crossroads where you can decide to become a bratty, self promoting, and egotistical wretch on wheels.  Or you can go in the opposite direction where you get the chance to embrace the class, and humility that embodies chic to the nth degree by showing that you understand the utter graceful honesty of the term:  less is more. 

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